I think I need some help. Lately I’ve been having anxiety and I can’t sleep at night. It’s keeping me up and I’m exhausted. My husband works two full time jobs. One during the day the other one he does overnights. So 5 nights a week I’m home alone with my 2 year old son. and my 4 month old son. I keep a loaded pistol on my night stand (safely so my son can’t get to it) at night while my husbands gone but it’s not helping anymore. I lay awake at night scared that I’m gonna be so tired that when I do fall asleep I’ll sleep so hard I won’t hear someone break in. I am terrified that someone is going to get into my house and hurt my boys. I honestly don’t care what happens to me but I’m so scared I won’t be able to protect my babies. I’m skilled and knowledgeable with a firearm but I’m scared it’s not enough. We don’t have a dog or an alarm system(we can’t afford it). We have padlocks on all three doors. But I think we should get motion lights and door stop alarms on all the doors. I lay awake just playing out all these horrible scenarios of things that I’m horrified of happening. Some of them are like horrific things that are nightmare material and I can’t stop thinking about it. I honestly don’t know what to do. I keep breaking down crying because I’ve started thinking about it all during the day too. This just started after I found out my cousins 3 year old daughter was diagnosed with leukemia. It just made me feel helpless. I do everything I can to protect my sons but sometimes it’s just not enough. Sometimes horrible things happen to good people. Innocent people and children. This anxiety is seriously affecting me in sleep and daily life. I have taken medicine for anxiety in the past to help me sleep but I don’t think I want that again because if I’m sleeping I can’t protect my sons. I just don’t know what to do. I’m not sure why I’m writing this I think I just need some help getting past this.