I was going though boxes today bored at home and it happened. I found the sonogram picture that they took at the abortion clinic.

So now I’m sitting crying on the couch. All I can think about is how I was ever so stupid.

BACKGROUND: At the time I became pregnant I was in the process of leaving my abusive boyfriend. I moved 1500 miles away to be with my mom. Well after about a month of being there, I found out I was pregnant. I decided to move back to make things work with him. However, after moving back things between us got worse. When I told him my ex helped me buy the bus ticket I used to get away from him, he started denying that the child I was carrying was his. Saying it was my ex’s. But like any mother, I knew. I knew without a doubt that he was the father of my child. But he wasn’t having it. He threatened to kill me and the baby if I kept it. Saying not only would he leave me now, but when I gave birth he’d hunt me down and kill both of us. One night the arguing got so bad it ended with him pinning me down on the couch punching my stomach as hard as he could. While I tried desperately to protect my stomach.

All this is coming from the guy I love with every inch of my soul. I couldn’t see my self with anyone else but him. He was there for me when no one else was. And honestly he had beaten my self esteem and self worth so low that I didn’t think I deserved any better. I felt worthless, ugly, and useless. I felt like him being me was a kindnesses. So what did I do? I stupidly let him control me and I had an abortion. From the moment I walked into the clinic, I have regretted it.

So, MORAL: For any girls

out there that might have someone else (a S.O. or family member) pressuring them into getting an abortion. If you are not 1000% sure it’s what you want, DO NOT. DO NOT. Do it. I don’t want any other girl to live with the regrets I do. It gets so bad sometimes that I have nightmares and it’s my baby just asking me “Why mommy? Why didn’t you love me? What did I do wrong mommy?” If it’s a situation like mine, whereas its abuse. Please get help to get out of the relationship. I don’t want any other girl sitting on her couch crying over the sonogram of her child. Trying to drown the regret in a bottle of Jim Beam.