i guess what goes around comes around

here goes I'm with this guy for 4 years he is 6 years older than me we met on the net and we meet up couple months after before that we talk over the phone and to be honest I was a shy and nice girl I was influence by family to do alot of thing but before this guy the one I was with the influence me to talk to him and everything andand then have sex and so on in that relationship I was used disrespected and a lot more when he took my virginity things started to go down hill so I got bitter so I wanted love else where I was 14 at the time I wasn't getting it at home so I seek out so now my sister introduce me to a sight that's where I met the 1 I'm with now but the thing is i used this guy real bad but love him at the other guy same time I lie to this 1 like a million times beg him something I don't do he did alot for me but not knowing he loved me and I cheat on him the 1 I'm with and so on but the thing is I never had sex but guess touching does I was a messed up and confused child child I was missed leaded but not blaming them now the guy in living with him now and before I choose to be with him we had alot a fights and he disrespect me everything but I loved him so I keep trying because I Kno he loves me with is Tru but ias everyone says I made I'm bitter because 1 loved now after for years we live together for 2 and he has is talking to other women with me saying that they don't and will never hurt him as bad has I did and so on I wash cook clean I don't work I take care of him I treat this man like a king I try my best to make him happy and sometime he is but he is still disrespectful and everything I do it's like a failure he jus looks down on me he stress me out but I understand what he went Tru and so on but guys I no what I did I was wrong jus a stupid teenager at the time I'm 20 years now and I get to understand life more have not hurt or chef on I'm from the 3 last time in the 1 year never had any idea why I I'm so unlucky to be in relationships that makes me unhappy sorry for this long rant but I needed to talk there is more to it but can't text it all and please no don't be rude jus be nice thanks guys