I just needed a place to vent so here it goes.....

My husband and I have been ttc for 9 years. Twice I have had that exhilarating feeling of getting a BFP and twice we have had to piece ourselves back together when I miscarried. I lost my last pregnancy 4 years ago and I've done a pretty good job of controlling by emotions since then. I always say it will happen in God's time. I really, really, really felt like it happened this cycle but here it is 13 dpo and all tests have been BFN!!!!! It just hit so hard this time. It is painful to go to bed every night praying for my miracle and wake up every day praying for a miracle but yet NOTHING!! I JUST WANT TO UNDERSTAND WHY!! Will I ever get the chance to feel my child grow inside of me, experience labor pains (that result in a healthy baby), get to nurse my beautiful baby and lose insane amounts of sleep??? I'm not looking for sympathy but I just had to let it out this time. And now I continue to pray. Dear God, please hear me.