This is going to be a long one and I’m sorry if a lot of it is run together and doesn’t make any sense.

I have grown up going to church, though not consistently- we only went a couple weekends while we visited my grandma because my stepdad was Muslim and my mom didn’t want to push him, and I’ve always known Jesus. I was baptized when I was 10 years old. But after that my relationship with God dwindled and I kept on having doubts until this past year when I finally started trying to push those thoughts out and pursue God. I still have those thoughts, but I recently turned to praying when that happened, and they were answered! God put those thoughts to rest! Ever since I started high school and I’ve been exposed to different cultures and perspectives, one that stuck out to me was when I watched these Christians on YouTube and how God completely changed their lives for the better and all the love they felt. So I was thinking to myself, “I want to feel that love too!” So towards the end of my sophomore year, I started carrying my adventure Bible with me that my aunt got me when I was younger and I started reading it during school. Of course, I was shy at first because I was always worried about what people thought of me, but then as I read the Bible I felt this great happiness in me and I continued reading it after school and this continued for a while. I just felt so much love and happiness when I read the Word. But then I stopped, I don’t know why I did, but I did. And the thoughts came back with a vengeance and I tried praying to God but I just felt this distance from Him and I was afraid all the time- this was around the time my grandma had a stroke as well.

But this month, I’ve been watching a lot of Christian YouTubers who have been through a couple of the same things and I’ve been trying to learn how to understand the Bible and take notes while reading. I feel like I’ve been improving my faith in God and I’m just so happy to have this relationship with him. Today I haven’t been able to stop reading it and I cannot express how blessed and thankful I am. I am so happy to have my love of reading the Bible back!