Sex.

Before May, I couldn’t think of an experience more terrifying.

I looked up countless articles all the time about what really to expect and how to make it go as smoothly as possible. I needed to know how to be totally prepared.

Many articles or friends or family or even random people will tell you that your first time is not meant to be fun and will usually be a let down.

My first time was with a guy I knew four days and the only let down of the situation was how naive I was.

My biggest fear physically was the pain. Thankfully, it was nowhere near as bad as I imagined, just pretty damn uncomfortable.

I was worried about bleeding too, but I still don’t know if I did bleed during it was that little, just a tiny bit after.

The worst part for me was when the boy ignored me from the second he dropped me off home.

I was destroyed for weeks, I couldn’t stop crying and I felt disgusted in my own body.

Maybe I was physically prepared, but I was not emotionally prepared at all and I would advise that you make sure of that more than anything else!!

Last night was my second time and, while I like the boy a lot, it was pretty damn meaningless again.

I find that I have a habit of falling for boys who just want sex.

However.

This time was SO much better.

I felt more relaxed, less scared. I took time to actually enjoy it rather than panic and worry about if what I was doing wasn’t enjoyable for him.

It didn’t hurt at all this time round and it was so much less uncomfortable, so it is true when people say that it gets better!!

I feel like younger me would be so ashamed of myself for sleeping with people who mean nothing to me, but I am embracing my sexual life these days, I’m allowed to have a bit of fun as long as my emotional health doesn’t take another toll.

So, for anyone out there worrying, sex is not this scary thing.

I promise.

If you have any advice or experience or stories please share below!!

I lost my virginity