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This emotional and mild physical abuse is making me scared I will miscarry.
Have been going through this for nearly 7 years with my husband, we have 2 children and another on the way. I am such a warm person with a very big heart, and he is a cold, heartless sociopath, calls me names, degrades and belittles me, mocks me, punishes me like I'm a child when I "misbehave", rapes me, throws things at me, pushes me, grabs me, pinches me, smacks me, kicks me, threatens to hurt me worse, tries to make me believe I have a mental disorder, that I'm crazy and I cause and "deserve" everything he does to me.
I'm scared, I am so scared! Not of him but for my children, they are everything to me and the only reason I stay for they would go from me raising them in a nice house and no worries to me having to work, never see them and living in near poverty, I could never ruin their lives like that, they are happy, loving children because of me and thank god don't see the abuse, but I'm breaking, I'm mentally breaking, I think of suicide daily, would NEVER do it as that would cause the worst kind of damage to my children.
I thought I could turn cold and try not to feel the pain he causes, but I have too much love and emotions that it's been proven to be impossible,
I tell myself, "I will go through ANYTHING to give my children the best lives, they are worth everything to me!"... A person can only take so much and I fear, soon, I will permanently break.