I believe I am depressed, will not go to a doctor but I truly think that is at least part of what's going on. What really terrifies me is that my dream of being a mother may never come true. It completely terrifies me. Then I begin to doubt if it's even something I could handle. I want it so bad, have all my life, yet can I really handle it? My depression makes day to day living a problem. I make it to work every day and that's a struggle. I get home and "hibernate" and try to destress from having to go to work. From that, I get NOTHING done at home. My wonderful husband works hard, then comes home and does the house work too. I'm spoiled. I know it's not fair to him. He wants help. And he even says he's scared for how he'll handle it if we have a kid. Which throws me into a worse pit of dispair. What I hear is him saying I am not worthy of being a mother. I know that's not what he means but that is what I hear. And I hide more. I don't know what to do. I hate myself. I don't know how to make my dreams come true. I don't know what u would do if they never do. I've struggles with suicidal thoughts in the past, before I met my husband. I don't have that anymore but the feelings and thoughts that led to attempts are still there. I feel like a total failure at life. My husband tries to point out that my company loves me, that I have a great career; but an office career is not what I want. I want a family. Looking for advise on how to cope or heal or help with this. 💙