Confused, scared and lost (long)
I have a child and currently pregnant with baby #2, and I am scared!! My relationship with my husband is very rocky. There is no communication between us whatsoever and that is sad. If there was communication there wouldnt be as many problems we have now. All the problems consists of trust issues, money, etc and sadly its been adding up through out the years. I'm in the point where I don't know whether to stay and try one more time or simply walk away.
We both have sat down and talked about saving our marriage in many occasions. We even seperated for awhile and got back together more than once. I do love him and I do want to be with him. But I start thinking if I decide to stay, what's going to be different this time than the other times??
I commited my mistake of staying with him because of our daughter. As time passed and she got older, its been very hard to leave. Now I'm not going to lie. This second pregnancy was somewhat planned. I was (still am?) In a place where im just confused. You see my mom passed away last year, part of me went with her. Now I wanted something, someone to fill this emptiness I feel and I thought having a baby would be the answer. Nope! But this baby is a blessing, a little peace of heaven, a piece of happiness in my life. Something i need now more than ever.
Well anyways, its been hard living without my mom, (my best friend), non stop arguements with husband, stress about money, and I am scared and feel alone. If having one child wasnt stressful enough, I cant imagine with two. Baby is almost here and Im freaked out. How am I going to do this? Im barely holding on to a small thread. Im almost close to losing it and scared to fall into depression because I been there once. Suicide thoughts have already passed through my mind once, im scared to fall back to that.
I needed to let this out, im sorry..i just needed to.