What would you do in this situation—need serious advice

Question

I have a son who just turned two last week, a 10month old and I’m 6 months pregnant. Starting this week my two year old started giving me trouble getting him from daycare where he doesn’t come with me to the car. I’m holding his brother, their things, (plus pregnant) all while chasing him up and down the halls. After catching him he throws himself on the floor throwing a tantrum and I grab his arm to pick him up and have him start walking which he refused to do so I let go. This happened a couple times in a matter of minutes and I eventually carried them both out in a rage of anger, upset, and frustration. Then my two year old slips out of my hands when we are crossing the street and throws a tantrum on the ground so I pick him up and spank him 3 times in a row on the sidewalk. 
Daycare saw everything and reported me. All this was in their statement with two things added that I said “I fucking hate my life” and “you’re so fucking bad!” Which is true I did say those things which that’s my personality. 
Some things to know: I can’t bring a stroller in to carry the kids and their things because my two year old unbuckles the sit and stand double stroller I have. 
My two year old doesn’t understand fully what I’m saying yet because he threw another tantrum getting into the car when he wanted to drink a spoiled milk bottle I explained it’s old and yucky you’ll get sick look at he curdles and he continued to fall to the floor and cry. 
Yes I said those things which I prob shouldn’t have but I am depressed and overwhelmed and not getting the help I need even though I’ve reached out numerously. The depression is coming from my job—not my kids but obviously it’s impacting me in all aspects. 
No I don’t need cps called on me and no I didn’t know spanking wasn’t allowed in public. 
My question is what do you do in this situation? I really don’t play when it comes to the street getting hit by a car so I wanted to prove that I’m serious. What would you do? How do you handle this? I really need advice.

Answer

So I’m going to speak on the daycare side of this. As daycare providers, teachers, doctors, etc we are mandated reporters and if something was to happen to a child and the daycare or school was found to have had reasonable doubt about safety you lose your license so a lot of times calls are made.
I 100% would have called CPS on you if this situation occurred at my preschool. It was just the spank, it was the anger you showed and verbally expressed that made them decide to call. I also wonder how hard you spanked and to spank three times in a row is excessive.
I am for spanking in a critical situation such as running into the street or something dangerous and it being a one time thing. What you expressed through words and actions would never make the daycare provider feel like “this probably rarely happens” or seeing it as a safety moment. 
CPS won’t take your kids for a call like this. Unless your home is unsafe or your children show signs of abuse or neglect. If you are struggling to the point you need to curse at and hit your children you need to think about things. If your depression is that bad you should be seeking help for it. You say that’s just you and your child doesn’t understand the words but they understand the emotion in the words which can also escalate your child not calm them down. You should use this as a learning experience and ask CPS for resources because if it happens again then you’ll have an open case file.

Answer

Aaaah. I understand much better now (I had read your poll post first).  I used to work for CPS, now I understand why the daycare called. 
They saw you having a hard time juggling it all, saw you frustrated, they saw you totally lose your cool, saw you say some fucks in front of the kids, and they saw you hit your kid three times. 
That situation in its totality would be concerning to an outsider who doesn’t really know you. And based on what you’ve said, it does sound like you are overwhelmed and having a hard time with discipline. 
Having said that, I wouldn’t worry about CPS. They’re not going to take your kids away over that (barring you don’t have a bunch of other child safety issues in your life like being in an abusive relationship or being on drugs, etc).  
It sounds like you could use some help honestly. You’ve got one kid who doesn’t listen well, another one to chase after, and another one on the way. Things aren’t going to get any easier once you get further along in pregnancy or once you have a newborn as well. I’d be looking for help with the two year olds behavior. He’s a kid. He’s going to act up. He’s not going to change unless YOU change the way you’re handling him. I’d ask for parenting supports from CPS. There are people/agencies out there who can help people out in situations such as yours. People who can help offer other techniques to help get the chaos under control. CPS is there to help in situations like these. Take advantage of it.

Answer

That daycare sucks! And you need help! I do wish they could have helped you instead of calling cps. Cuz we need help as moms!! I know he's 2 and you just acted as an instinct which is as any parent would do. Just do your best and maybe bring someone else on the trip to get your toddler instead of those judgy workers who love to call cps. Good luck and I'm really sorry!!

Answer

Spanking isn't okay at all, not just in public. You dragged your kid around, yelled at them and hit them, of course they called CPS. I would have too. My suggestion would be 1. Don't repeat those actions ever again and 2. Distraction is your friend. Don't try bribery, it doesn't work long term. Bring a snack or a juice box with you. Make silly faces, give the kid some tickles to cheer them up so they stop crying. Ask for help if you need it. Everyone loses their cool sometimes but that behavior is not okay. Either ask for help, or find another way.

Answer

Just take it easy mama. You'll just have to be on your peas and qs when you pick up and drop off at daycare. I know its concerning to feel like people are judging you and that can makes things so much worse. There are people out there who have been thru the same struggles. Kids can be a handful. Dont let those daycare workers who only see a glimpse of your life make you think you're doing badly all around. You're not. You sound like you're doing the best you can and sometimes that's all you can do.

Answer

The 2 yr old would hold my hand, 10 month old in the stroller and stuff would go in the stroller's basket. 
Do you have help at home?

Answer

Who have you reached out not gotten help from? If you’re depressed you need to be seeing a therapist.

Answer

I know you said you can’t use the stroller but I totally would. Non-negotiable.

Answer

It's important to remember your son doesn't understand the impact. You said he doesn't understand fully the words. You're the adult, battling depression or not, his well being is fully in your hands. I'm currently battling PPD, and my son will be two next week (also have a 2 month old daughter), so I can understand the frustration. But I don't think it's ever ok to take it out on him. My some does similar with school. I bend down and make him look me in the eyes. And I tell him, "if you hold mommy's hands you can walk. But if you run away, mommy will have to carry you." he ran once. I carried the bags, my daughter in her car seat, and a screaming, twisting toddler. But he knew I meant business, even if I did kill my back. And he hasn't run since. There have been times I've been so angry I cry. A couple of times, I've yelled louder than I should. And I feel guilty because I'm the adult. Never hit out of anger. Take cursing out. Speak sternly, at his level, and follow through with threats. If I saw a combination of all of that, I would have concerns about his well being too.

Answer

Would a leash/harness be an option? This might keep him from running into the street without you having to yank him around by his arms.

What would you do in this situation—need serious advice

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