My birth was a nightmare. I have the better part of 40 stitches on both sides of my labia. Two days later i had 4 hemorrhoids removed in a hemorrhoidectomy. I am in so much pain I can't do anything. My breasts are still painfully engorged a week after birth and i had to stop directly breastfeeding because my nipples are too hard (literally hard not difficult) for her to latch on to. I'm in constant pain and discomfort. I can't sleep through the night. I'm tired of pumping, pumping, pumping. As soon as I'm done, it's time to go again. I want to have SEX. I crave SEX soooo bad. So bad that i practically get off to blowing my husband and go after him like I'm getting something out of it. I'd like to do it every night if he would let me, but he doesn't have a very high sex drive. I want to cuddle with my husband and ride around with him like we used to. I hate being tied down all the time. I love my daughter with all my heart, but I'm tired of living a lie. No, I'm not happy. I'm not content. I miss my vagina. I miss feeling good about my body. I miss my relationship the most. I miss hanging out with my husband. Now he is about to be gone all the time working two different jobs, one in which he goes out of state for days at a time. I've never felt so alone in my life. I don't want to be trapped at home by myself all the time. I need help taking care of this baby. More than just changing a few diapers here and there or helping with a feeding. I need emotional help. I never ever want to have another baby. I never want to put my body through this agony again. I never want to put my mind through this agony again. I wouldn't give up my daughter for anything in this world and I'm glad I have her. But it's not all cut so clean as that. There's more to it. I'm not ungrateful to have her. I just don't want to ever do this again. So I'll enjoy her and her childhood to the fullest extent because I truly am terrified to ever find myself in the situation of being pregnant again.