My husband and I have an almost 4 year old, just signed a contract on a house, and are going to start ttc in November. I had a history of being unfaithful until I met him five years ago, and had been in some abusive relationships, was sexually assaulted/raped several times, etc.  I tend to not trust anyone, and have a mentality of "strike first" so I don't get hurt.  I messed up once while we were just dating, and told him. we got married a year ago, immediately moved to a state where I knew NO ONE but him, and I freaked out. I made the mistake of a meeting a guy for lunch at his place, and slept with him after a fight with my husband. And then, since I'd already fucked up, when the opportunity was presented again, I took it. 

My husband found out on his own. Obviously his trust is broken. But for some reason he's forgiven me, despite my shit. Has anyone gone through this? How/when did you regain trust? He's been amazing, faithful, deals with my diagnosed bipolar and my obvious instability like a champ. But I know he's hurting. How do I prove that I can be a good wife?! 

[edited to be not anonymous. I'm human. I'm real. Help me grow.]