Long story ..

I have two bestfriends.

#1 and I have been friends since 7th grade we were extremely close but lately I just don’t know what’s been going on. She’s got other friends she hangs out with and we all went to school together and she’s known for telling other people’s business. So I can’t tell her everything like I’d like to. I appreciate her so much for everything she’s done for me her and her mom included. I feel like it’s held over my head. She’s just not who I used to know. When she met her ex I never got to see her. Trying to hang out was almost impossible. Her ex fucked around their entire relationship and then they broke up she went on this sleeping around with random guys binge, drinking got extreme (still is really bad), I went home to visit also got married and as much as I tried to see her partying was more important. She didn’t even show up to my wedding 😞 didn’t even attempt to try. I saw her for all of 45 mins within 2 visits the whole two weeks I was home. She was either working or wasn’t gnna be home because of plans already made so I couldn’t see her. Even if I showed up to her house I’d be wasting my time. But she knew I was coming home. She knew for weeks she kept asking and asking. She only needed me when something was or is going wrong in life with her ex or with whoever she’s “with” at the time.

#2 bestfriend we were good friends for a couple months. We’re very close now. She’s my go to. She was there whenever I needed her she’s the only one I can tell absolutely any and everything to without a worry she’s gnna say something to someone else. I mean ANYTHING. She’s still here and every now and then we get busy. And don’t have time to talk long. But she’s ALWAYS there no matter what. She’s gnna be here when I give birth and I couldn’t ask for anyone else better to be there other than my husband. We separated for a little while I went one way she went another I went to nursing school and she went to dental school. Then life just got busy. But she’s always there. She’s offered to watch baby when we come home if we want a break or when she’s here after I have baby she wants baby as much as possible so she can spend time with baby before she heads home.

My husband and I talked about how a god mom is someone who doesn’t have a title such as an aunt, cousin, etc. Well bestfriend #1 has always wanted to be god mom to my baby. Bestfriend #2 has joked about it.

But I don’t feel like I can trust bestfriend #1, not even with my child. I now know my husband feels the same so there’s no way I’m gnna ask her to be the god mom.

Bestfriend #2 would do anything for baby and I. And I know if something was to happen and I’d need someone to keep baby for any reason at any time #2 would do it in a heart beat. I feel like I’m torn. Because I wish I could give #1 that trust but I just don’t have it 😞

I needed to vent cause other then my husband I don’t know who to talk to. It’s really a confusing situation. And I’d love my little to have someone to run to when he or she feels they can’t talk to me or my husband or if they wanna escape they have their god mom. Someone I know they can depend on as much as I know I can.