No excitement

So of course in our first trimester most if not all of us worried about having miscarriage but did it continue for you? Every scan i get scared that the baby hasnt grown or has no heartbeat i get so nervous at the dr cause i guess i just feel like theres more to be done or talked about i get so excited when i see my babys stuff and think of how he will look and what he will be like but what if i have a still born or something happens or even sids im so scared to get to attached or even excited because what if i come home with no baby my partner said he will be excited when he is holding our baby and that sounded a bit cold and i was hurt but honestly i feel the same way i feel like theres no way i can prepare for this because i am not guarenteed on ever bringing my boy home i feel stupid preparing for getting excited for something that might not even happen im just always super anxious about the whole thing