Partner revealed herpes 😳

Ladies !! I feel so betrayed. My S/O of 5+ years JUST told me he has had herpes for over 10 years. We have been actively trying to conceive for over a year. I am devastated!! We have discussed marriage and everything and last night he finally sat me down and told me he has herpes. And the crazy thing is i can’t bring myself to hate him! I am more upset that i am Just now being told. I was never given the chance to decide for myself if i wanna take on the risk. I don’t know if it has hit me yet fully or not. I can’t talk to my close friends about it yet, but i can anonymously post here. I hate myself for loving him still, i hate myself for trusting him. He claims he ALWAYS takes his meds. But he NEVER thought to tell me Day after day for over 5 years. I don’t know what to think or what to do. I feel like he never loved me i mean how could he and keep this life changing lie from me. I am so lost. And he was my FIRST and ONLY partner.