Feeling relieved

Yesterday morning, I decided to take a hpt, despite being only 8DPO. I knew that in all likelihood I would see a BFN, and I braced myself for such. So why take a test, you may ask? Simple. I was already feeling tortured; analyzing every little “symptom” and wondering if it could possibly be pregnancy related. How could taking a test and getting a negative possibly torture me anymore than I was already torturing myself? I wasn’t sure, but there was only one way to find out.

So I woke up, and took that test, and sure enough BFN. On some level, I felt disappointed upon seeing only one line. What I wasn’t expecting was to feel relief more than anything. Relief from the torturous thoughts of over analyzing and symptom spotting. I knew then that every little thing I had been analyzing, was not because I had somehow miraculously implanted before the average nine days. Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t given up all hope, but at least for a couple more days, my mind is at ease.