Just over two years ago, my sister and her husband announced their first pregnancy. Theirs would be the first niece or nephew for my husband and I, on either side. Her and her husband had only been married about a year.

My husband and I had been married 3 years and we decided to start really trying to have one as well. I hoped to have a baby very close in age to their cousin and I was very excited and learned everything I could about ttc and my fertility, putting everything I could into practice to make our own baby asap.

Two years and 3 (unconfirmed) chemical pregnancies later, my husband and I are still childless, and my sister has a beautiful little daughter. They just announced their second pregnancy yesterday. I’m happy for her but it’s pretty depressing and I’m worried I’m going to be very bitter if she delivers this baby in March and I’m still not pregnant.

I’m coming up on my fertile window this week. I’m charting bbt, using OPK to make sure I catch ovulation, taking prenatals & supplements, eating healthy, drinking red raspberry tea and POM juice, using essential oils, wearing fuzzy socks, avoiding cold drinks, drinking lots of water, BD’ing every day or every other day during fertile windows, and still researching more things I can do to improve my chances. It’s infuriating to think of all the people getting pregnant on accident or without really trying while I’m still here without any results.

Here’s their little one with her new announcement shirt, soon to be a big sister