I am so ashamed.

So i really had myself convinced I was pregnant this cycle but unsurprisingly I am not. I feel so stupid for feeling these symptoms and confusing them. For getting my hopes up.

We have been trying for over 5 years, been to doctors tried medication etc and no luck.

I am so ashamed of my infertility, nobody knows, only my husband. But even he doesn’t know how I am crying everyday. I don’t want to make our lives and conversations always about this.

I can’t stop today, It hurts so much that the reality is I probably cannot ever give us a family. My eyes are red raw, trying hard to sort myself out before people come over.

I am not depressed, I actually have a fabulous life and am happy with that. I am lonely in my world full of babies and families.

there is not one person in this world that I trust enough to keep this secret for me. I have nobody to talk to. I just need a friend, somebody who is not making their kids pack lunches while trying to sympathise with me but really has no clue and feels awkward.

J xx