Coming clean to my husband about my affair updated

Some of you may remember my post “am a shit person”. Well.... today’s the day I tell my husband about my affair with my boss.

I choose my husband. I’m cutting ties with my boss, even looking for other departments to be in. Because I choose my husband. Even if my husband decides to leave me, which I wouldn’t blame him, I’m not going for my boss.

I’m so scared, though. I don’t deserve to stay his wife. I don’t deserve him. I deserve to be dropped like the trash I am, but I hope he stays.

I hope he stays so I can choose him everyday.

I’m so fucking scared.

Update I don’t feel like I should be respected. I know I should have chosen my husband before my boss in the first place. Trust me, I wish I would have. If he leaves, which I expect him to, I don’t know how to tell my family that he left. I don’t know how to be without his. I don’t know how I’ll live with myself. I haven’t told him yet. He’s going to come home from work so I can tell him. What do I say? I don’t even know how to start.

Update 2 he left me. And then he came back and broke down in my arms asking where he went wrong. I have never felt so much shame. It was not his fault. It was mine. It had nothing to do with where he fell short. It had everything do with where I fell short. I don’t know how to make him see that he’s perfect in my eyes and I am the one who is screwed up. I hate myself more than I could ever describe for getting us both in this mess. He doesn’t deserve to feel this way. I told him to leave me, that he deserves better. That I don’t even come close to deserving someone as wonderful as him. He said he wants to go to therapy with me and work this out. I’m so happy he wants to stay but I gotta be real if it were me who had been cheated on I would have left. I’ll do everything in my power from here until my end of days to show him what a gift he is to me and how much he is the light of my life. I’m going to remind myself what it felt like to lose him, then to see him doubt himself and know that I don’t deserve him, but I’m going to better myself every single day so that I am, someday, the type of person who deserves him. I know it will never be the same. I know we have some obstacles ahead of us. I’m willing to do WHATEVER he needs to trust me again. I deleted social media and am looking for a new job. I love him and everyday I’m going to choose him, as I should have in the first place.