Will I ever get over it?

Question

My husband and I have been together for 9 years, married for 1. I love him dearly, I can't imagine life without him and I know he feels the same. However, back in the first year of our relationship (he was 18 and we were long distance) there was a night he cheated on me with his ex. It's been so long, and I thought I was past it but I still think about it sometimes. He is working late tonight, and on one hand I know he's at work. But on the other I can't help but think what if he's not actually working but with someone. Am I crazy? Why can't I get over this already? We are very happily married, but I feel like my insecurities will hurt us😢 am I the only one who feels this way?

Answer

Honestly. If you married him after he cheated, you went into it blindly thinking he would never do it again. You know he has a history of it. Has he changed for the better or given you any reason to doubt him? Do you trust him is what it comes down to.  Do you want to stay together? You are going to have to let the past go if you do. Maybe seek some counseling together and apart. With a man it’s how you tal to them. If you go into it guns blazing yelling and screaming or accusing or say things like you always or you never, he stops listening the minute you start and gets nowhere. Say instead I feel we phrased. Don’t raise your voice. No door slamming or leaving. Baby I have been feeling insecure. I know what happened is in the past but I can’t seem to get it out of my mind. If you constantly harp on the same thing and throw it in his face every time you argue it’s going to get old really quick until he’s had enough. Either you have to get over the insecurities or maybe this isn’t the guy for you. If he makes the effort to prove to you every day that he’s seeking therapy or whatever you agree to then it’s up to you if you want to work on the marriage. If he flips out and finds every excuse or accuses you of cheating then You already got your answer that something is up. If he fights for you then work on things if he doesn’t then who is he fighting for. A man pursues what he wants. Good luck

Answer

I really think it would help for you to see a therapist. It’s hard to let go of that kind of betrayal sometimes. A therapist could help give you the tools to focus on your present relationship and forgive his past and not let it increase your insecurities or distrust.

Answer

Just tell him how you feel. Tell him you trust him, but you just need to vent out those feelings. Allow him to give you some reassurance.
I confessed to my husband that sometimes I feel uncomfortable when I leave him alone with my sister. (She's been known to be jealous of my relationships and even kissed one of my boyfriends while we were together, nothing but a peck on the lips)
I know neither of them would do it, but I couldn't help but to voice my insecurity to my husband.
He laughed at me and said she's not me and he has no interest in her, he just gets along because we're family.

Answer

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Will I ever get over it?

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