Only thing keeping me from breaking down today honestly is the fact that I am on anti-depressants and they like don't allow me to fully feel things.

I started spotting again on Wednesday after having stopped for like almost two weeks (out of 50 day cycle 😑). I seem to have several PMS symptoms despite taking continuous birth control, and yet I found myself allowing myself to get hopeful yesterday at the possibility of having a miracle pregnancy (yes I know I am on birth control, but two weeks ago I was put on antibiotics, which I know counteracted the BC because for those ten days all my BC side effects were gone. So I am just holding on to the most unlikely scenario lol).

However now today I realize I am being delusional and this is my period coming because yes the antibiotics counteracted the BC, but not enough to cause a pregnancy, but to trigger a period. And of course all the fears about the endometriosis getting in the way of my dream to have a baby come flooding in.

I just wish there was a way to know that everything is going to be OK and that I WILL get pregnant and have a baby and get the family I dream about.