I apologize if my thoughts seem jumbled and thrown together. It's a lot that's been in my mind for a long time.

You know what sucks?

Being depressed/suicidal and a mom. Wanting to end everything and being pregnant. People have no idea the amount of work it takes to wake up in the morning and take care of myself let alone other people.

Dont get me wrong I love my babies. I will do everything in my power to make sure they have great lives and are well taken care of and have everything they need. They will not be neglected even when I'm neglecting myself.

I'm 24 weeks and 5 days pregnant and I have a 2 year old. I haven't showered in a week. I have no appetite. I've brushed my hair maybe 2 or 3 times. I took a half day at work because I can't stand to be out.

My friend committed suicide on Monday. Another friend came to me last night threatening suicide. It's making things worse for me. I'm always the fixer. I'm always the strong one. And if I show any sign of weakness I'm suddenly an awful person.

I feel so alone in my pregnancy. My husband and I are drifting apart. Hes angry all the time and he shows no big interest in it. Nor do the rest of my family. I just want to be done. I want to have this baby, know it's safe, and have some freak accident happen to me and just be done. I can't take it anymore. I'm not strong enough.