I don’t want to have this baby.

I’ve had depression and anxiety years before this. But now I’m 18 and pregnant, I’ve never wanted to die more in my entire life. I can’t bring myself to get another abortion but I can’t raise a kid as fucked up as I am. I had to be hospitalized last time I got an abortion, I regretted it so much. The father is my ex manipulative, abusive, rapist, boyfriend. He wants to care for this kid on his own but HE’S JUST AS BAD, MENTALLY, AS I AM. Now, I’m stuck with him for life.

Before this I had a really bad eating disorder, my body would be lucky if I even ate once in a day. I’m almost 10 weeks and I’m too depressed to eat. I can barely sleep because of my nightmares. I hate myself for bringing an innocent baby into this fucked up world. I hate myself. I wish I just had some one to talk to... I don’t care if I die.. I don’t want them to be around him. I just wish I could feel better. I wish I could give this baby up for adoption, to someone who could do better than I can for them.


Because of the state I live in, both parents need to consent to putting a baby up for adoption.