Failed IUI

Quick background - my hubs and I have been ttc for three years. I will be 38 in December. My husband has a 7 year old daughter that lives with us and has little to no interaction with her biological mom. So I do have that going for me I guess. But I always know she isn’t mine biologically and her mom loves to remind me. So, I guess selfishly, I always dream of having my own child with my husband and a brother or sister to my daughter. So we’ve tried and tried. We’ve done timed intercourse, letrazole, and a laparoscopy for endometriosis. I’ve had periods of guilt because I’m catholic and if it isn’t natural you aren’t supposed to do it. This has led to periods of time not using medications to assist in reproduction. I finally made a decision, when I was told that ivf was my solution tht I would try IUI. It was a two fold solution 1- I don’t have the money to do ivf bc whole reproducing for most ppl is free for those of us with issues the price is out of control high. 2- I didn’t feel like We were playing God and I felt a little more comfortable with doing this. Yesterday I tested for my first time after my first iui yesterday and got a negative result. I don’t think it really sunk in until this morning when I woke up and there it was...AF. I think it hit me right then. It is so frustrating! I went to work and cried off and on, scheduled my next ultrasound to start the meds again, ran into just about everyone of the pregnant girls in my office (lol) and decided to heck with this I’m going to lunch. Then I get back from lunch and on the elevator a woman from my office asked me when I was going to get bit by the pregnancy bug. She was saying it to be funny but today was just not the day for me. I responded graciously but inside I wanted to melt into the floor. Anyway I never post but just felt like I needed to get this out to anyone who may read it and may have felt the same or knows what it’s like to keep trying when you get that one line on a test. Or to anyone who may feel this way on the future. I just didn’t want to feel alone right now and want anyone in the future going through the same thing to know they also aren’t alone. Also, I know that post was super long and depressing (at least for me) so here’s a puppy to look at and make you smile (or maybe it just makes me smile)

No idea who the pup belongs to but oh my gosh! How can you look at it without smiling