I had depression ever since I could remember. I’ve been fighting it much better since high school, but when I was on vacation, it all seemed pointless.

Now I might be too sensitive or whatever, but I was beat since I was born. I know I have mental issues and my lack of social skills and boundaries that cause me to be the black sheep of my family. No one in my family seems to really like me that much except for the kids and young parents.

I’m the outcast of my family. Visiting them wasn’t the best idea. I hear verbal abuse everyday from my siblings and parents, but that was normal until they would talk shit about me to my entire family. Everyone was told how shitty of a person I am and that I can’t ever do anything right. That I’m immature and don’t act my age and that I’m worthless to the family. And especially that I act too white. (Hello, racism?)

I have never heard a compliment come out of them unless it was “Her grades are good enough.” (Excuse my straight A’s and skipping a year or years of science and math for being just good enough).

It really got to my head this time. I was so close to overdosing on pills. I got scared of taking my pills for that reason (for the flu). I wanted to run away in the middle of the night and die off that way. I’m a bit disappointed that I didn’t. I wrote countless suicide notes.

But I’m still here. Yeah part of it is my fault for being incompetent, but no one deserves that much bullying from family. I’m back home with my friends. But I’m going to a whole new school with my sibling to verbally abuse me. It’s gonna be hard, but since I came here, I’ve been trying to change; become a better me. I still can’t love myself, and I still get bouts of depression, but I’m trying.

Whoever is out there, it may seem like a lie (it did to me), but someone cares. Someone wants you to stay alive.

Hugs for everyone, whenever you are struggling or not. I bid you all a great day.