Defeated, mentality

I made several calls today for a specialist. I am feeling defeated!!!! I know i have no other options if i want. The question is at my age am i really ready to accept that i am done? Or can i even afford get loans make payme t plans. Etc. The expenses with a home of 8 mouths to feed is alot. I wouldnt change it for anything. My husband just brought home 2 puppies for me. Dont get me wrong i love them and him but it is not the same. I cry every period anymore knowing im just there making an empty nest each month. Idk whats wrong. I want, no i need to have that baby smell in my arms. The love nurture and tenderness that comes with a bundle of joy. It seems to me my mental state only says baby. You have a volleyball game? Nope wheres that baby at. Going to bbq? Nope there babies there. Wheres mine. I have been told be happy for the 2 you have! Im sorry but this urge, this need to have a child is strong, its sad, its to the point that in my defeat i am praying for a miracle. I am defeated in having finally getting pregnant having the first ultrsound and then a week later losing. Somehow this miscarriage hurts way more than any other i have had. And as a couple we grieve, but as a mother and losi g a part of myself im lost. The want is greater than anything right now. So as we ttc and our instinctual mind that is roaming to complete us is going awall i pray. I pray for a miracle and pray you, yes you can have all that is desired to be loved. Im thankful to have so many people that care love and support one another.