I might be biased, but I’m extremely pro mom. But maybe that’s because of the situation I went through when I was pregnant.

I’ve been pregnant twice by my boyfriend, once when we weren’t dating yet (I had a miscarriage at 14 weeks due to trisomy 18). I was 21 and he was 26. He blocked my on everything, wouldn’t speak to me. I was going through it alone and was terrified.

I became pregnant again a year later, found out he had been having sex with other girls and while he was at work while I was at his house (before we lived together), watching his young son. And the girl he was having sex with at work has openly admitted to having hpv. I couldn’t get over how incredibly selfish of him it was to cheat on me while pregnant with his child, but the fact it was with a girl with an std was unforgivable. My biggest issue was that I was pregnant, and he didn’t care to get to know the girl enough to know she had something he could pass on to me. Even better, he never used condoms. I’m still sick to my stomach to this day. We currently live together with his 4 year old son and our 9 month old because he wanted to work things out and be a family, but everyday I’m haunted by what he’s done.

Anyway, he has 50/50 custody with his ex. She lives across the county in Utah, and we live in NY. His son was born in NY, and is a resident here. When his son was 1, they decided to move back to Utah and because of difficulties in their relationship, she decided to leave him. So, he decided to leave Utah and take their son. She filed for custody, they went through court, now they have joint custody and their son flies back and forth from NY to Utah every 8 weeks until he starts kindergarten. This has been their court order custody for the last 3 years.

While their son is in Utah, he has a schedule and structure. He attends daycare and his mother takes him to do activities. When he’s here in NY.... he doesn’t absolutely nothing. He doesn’t attend daycare, is home everyday and my boyfriend barely takes him out because he says he doesn’t want to spend money and everything costs money... won’t put him in daycare because he doesn’t want to lose time with him. Mind you he works overnights.. when he gets home in the morning he sleeps until noon, but when he wakes up after his son begs him all morning, he still doesn’t do anything with him. Doesn’t take him to do activities, he has no interaction with other kids besides his 9 month old brother... kids need to socialize with others in my opinion and have stimulation. But he is dead set that when he goes back to court to see where his son will permanently live and attend school, it will be here in NY. He said his court appointed lawyer said their sons mom would have to have a ground breaking reason to get custody of him since NY is his home state. I just don’t believe that. She’s a single mother, is stable, has a good job, with a place to live and the means to support her son. There’s no reason that she shouldn’t be awarded custody.

What are your opinions? I don’t know if this is necessarily the right group to post this but I just want some serious insight! Maybe someone has gone through something similar? I know all states are different, but I don’t know what would make the court determine who would get custody. I just know I’d be shattered if I didn’t get custody of my child just because where I lived wasn’t considered his home state, when I was being he best mother I could possibly be. It just doesn’t seem fair to me. Especially since they met while he was living in Utah, moved to NY to be near his family, then moved back to Utah and their relationship didn’t end up working out so he took their child and left.