As a first time momma I of course didn't know what to expect after having my baby girl. I have never in my life been happier. My honey has been home with us and had been so helpful, he helps me remember to take naps mid day so I am getting enough sleep, he has been cleaning when I'm feeding her and has been such an amazing support system in general. I still have been having panic attacks out of no where, crying fits, feeling crappy about myself for no apparent reason and I have felt at times like an incompetent mother. I have no reason to feel like this, and I have found it so completely frustrating. I have suffered with anxiety and depression in the past and have been able to cope myself, or at least for the last couple of years solidly, but this is out of no where-no logic or reasoning behind it. I have felt so lost.

Luckily my sister in law ,(to be), and my close friend have both been there for me. Both of them went through the same thing. Felt completely happy with where they are and yet had that impending feeling of anxiety and in some cases depression. I have been able to use them as a resource during this time and have really been lucky to have them.

Tomorrow my daughter will be two weeks and I had my first follow up today with my OBGYN. She has prescribed me a medication to help with the issues I have been having. I have never had a better doctor to go to with something like this. She was so understanding and so helpful and encouraging. She even gave me a big hug and told me it would all be okay. She made me feel less like I was failing and that I just needed a little help along the way.

I am writing this in hopes that someone going through the same thing, either as a first time momma, going through PPD for the first time or just someone looking for some kind of reference so they don't feel so alone, will be able to read this and feel a little better. I have been so fortunate to have a support system and backing I really needed and I realize not everyone has that. If anyone reading this has felt the same or needs someone to talk to about it. I just wanted to be there if needed ❤

Being a momma is the best gift I have been given and I refuse to let this get me down.