Why is it so hard?


So a few days ago I posted about how I finally got out of my abusive relationship.. I'm recently dating this guy and hes literally perfect. He checks up on me and actually respects me.. But the think is, is that I'm still tied up on my ex. Even though he was terrible to me, I cant stop dreaming about him, thinking about him, and just praying that he'll change and come back to me. When we said our finals goodbyes, we hugged and that's when he whispered in my ear that he still loves me and always will.. No matter how much I want to hate him, I can't.. and I feel bad for rick because he confessed how he's really into me and genuinely likes me. But I've been so used to being underappreciated and someone not caring about what I say and all. Not used to someone wanting to listen to my thoughts and actually put effort in. I'm just not used to this amazing treatment I'm receiving and I dont think I'm ready, but I also think I am and should give it a try. Because Rick does make me happy. Like so happy..but even though Steven and I aren't together, everytime Rick and I kiss or even hold hands, I feel like I'm cheating and betraying Steven. I haven't told steven about rick and I dating..he still thinks we're just friends..but I think he knows somewhat.. Anyone have any tips? Or anything..