This is just the worst feeling ever!

I had a miscarriage at 7 1/2 weeks in December 2017 the day of my early scan 🙁 I have been ttc for just over 9 months I think as I wanted to have a chance to show the world I deserve this bundle of joy and I’d prove to not only just me but the rest of the world including god if he’s up there! After I found out just after my scan that I had suspected PCOS I have been struggling to get pregnant and the most horrible thing in this world is the two week wait hoping that you’ve ovulated and that this will be your month but it just never seems to be my month after constant negative pregnancy tests and then af shows😥

So the reason I asked this question was because recently my friend who knows about my situation told me she was pregnant with her 2nd child and i really want to be happy for her I honestly did but I was more destroyed than ever!

The thing that’s most annoyed me is the fact she knew about my miscarriage and just a little under a month after that she told me she was pregnant and then told me she miscarried and lied about it which I felt like I wanted to just slap the hell out of her because how could anyone lie about something so horrible I went through hell, I blamed myself for months and I still do now thinking I could of prevented losing my baby if I just knew about PCOS I remember I was so emotional and work was horrific because I was getting bullied by the staff and managers there so I was stressed! And because I was moody and emotional all the time I was arguing with my partner but I didn’t know I was pregnant and I wish I could of known so I would of just sat the f**k down and got my moody arse to calm down!

I fight for everything I have and what ever I have my car and everything else is because I’ve worked my damn arse off to get it!

Her and her partner do not work he does drugs and he supposedly can’t work because he has anger issues and they just sit on their arse on job seekers! Nothing against stay at home mums but when it’s both parents on benefits and doing drugs it’s pathetic and wrong and why would you try for another baby if you couldn’t support and give them the best!

She did have a job but she quit on her first week because the job seekers told her she would have to pay half towards her rent and she didn’t like it!

I have had shit thrown at me left right and god dam centre and I just want a break from it just for a little while, the doctors won’t help us and it gets harder each month, I just want it to be my time already, if you do good in life you don’t get nothing I don’t do drugs I don’t drink alcohol and I have gone out and worked my arse off since I left school! I just needed to rant I needed this to get of my chest because it’s weighing me down and i feel like I’m annoying everyone with my problems 😫😢