Scared of being myself?

Question

I wouldn't say that I hate myself but I'm not happy with my body. I know i have attractive features yes but I wish I was at least 210 pounds. I wouldn't wanna be under 200 because I've never wanted to be small that's just my thoughts. I just keep uncomfortable in my own skin some days and I here all the fat jokes. I don't know how big I am I can't tell bc I seen myself so different than everyone else.

im not sure how people really see Me my boyfriend and friends could just be lying to make me feel better. so help anyone??

im not sure how people really see Me my boyfriend and friends could just be lying to make me feel better.  so help anyone??

Answer

Sweetie I’m right there with you. I was 350 when I started. An eternal size 32 and 50dd and there were days when I would try on clothes that they didn’t fit and I was upset and disappointed. Life happens. I had two miscarriages at 4 and 2 months along. Dad died when I was 4. Almost died 4-5 times. Crappy men or hurtful family that make us emotionally eat, my mother rarely has a nice thing to say to me. It’s a shock when she says something nice to me. When she says oh that looks good on you I wait for the but like that makes your legs look huge etc. Move your fat ass etc. Gotta love a mother’s love and support. 🙄 I never even have to leave my house for people to try and make me feel like crap. Probably why I learned not to care what anyone thinks of me. Or seek anyone’s approval because there is no pleasing her so why bother trying. Gotta have the everyone can kiss my butt attitude or everything they say will bring you down. Their opinions are dust in the wind and don’t matter. The only one that does matter is your own. And I think I’m gorgeous inside and out. And it’s not that I’m full of myself or anything. I don’t depend on anyone for my happiness or you will surely be let down. Happiness comes from within. I have a kind loving heart and anyone that doesn’t like me is missing out. After the last crappy relationship of 5 years with a man 10 years younger than me that proudly admitted that he slept with over 250 women in the last 5 years. Clearly we aren’t together any more. I never should have been with him but I didn’t want to be alone and tolerated so much crap. He just used and took advantage of me. My 2nd love. My 1st was a cheating alcoholic. Boy do I know how to pick them. Been single since late December. I’m down 67 pounds. Couldn’t be happier. You are better off alone than in bad company. A man doesn’t complete, you complete yourself. Im a strong independent woman that doesn’t need a man. My self esteem and self worth and confidence come from within. I decided after the cheating whore that I needed to do something to keep myself busy so I didn’t think about him. So I decided to do something for myself and focus on myself for once. It was always about him. We are out every night. A can of soda a day for a year adds up to 15 pounds and that’s just soda so it’s understandable how it can add up. 3500 calories in a pound. I’m 40, so that it added up over the years big time. I made it my me time. I put on headphones and made it fun. It was winter and I didn’t feel comfortable going to a gym or would find any excuse not to go. Weather or it was too much etc. So I started walking in my kitchen and dancing. Step together step together and toe taps and however the music moves me. I got the MyFitnessPal app and Fitbit and what started with a mile turned obsessively into 8-12 miles. I kept that up for a while until one night it stopped being fun. It became a chore and I got lazy and obsessed with weighing myself every chance I got. Yes I was dropping a pound or more a day but I wasn’t happy and I would plateau every 5 pound interval. It was not easy. I found it was more psychological than anything. Old me would have quit at the first plateau or gave it a few weeks of trying more and would have quit when I didn’t see results. In the beginning the only thing that was going down was my top half. My bottom half didn’t move at all. Finally the bottom caught up with the top. I’m down to a 22/24 and 42d. I keep at it daily I fight the urge to just go get something bad that I used to get. I do indulge once in a blue moon. It was my 40th this month so I’ve been eating a lot of cake and dinners out. I try not to eat out that often holidays at the worst a bad huge meal sets you back, sometimes you don’t lose a pound for a a few weeks. I changed my eating. I do high protein high fiber, low salt and sugar. Only bread carbs I eat is granola. Once in a blue moon I will have bread carbs. My carbs come from fruit and veggies. I do Morningstar veggie burgers. Vanilla Premier protein shakes 30 grams protein 1 gram of sugar. And they don’t taste nasty like a slim fast. Or leave you on the toilet all night like Jenny craig or Herbalife the minute you eat real food. I do the shake with food or when I don’t have time to eat. I eat tons of snacks. I think that’s why I don’t feel deprived. I call them good girl snacks. Not that I am rewarding myself with food but they are healthy and instead of cheating it’s a modified snack in my head. Junkless peanut butter and chocolate chip granola bars 5-6 grams of sugar.

And most of my snacks I’ve found on my ibotta discount app. I read labels. The gluten free ones have less additives and no caramel coloring that breaks me out. They are cheaper at Walmart than ShopRite. The baby isle

Or before that I found happy kids apple cinnamon bars I always check the sugar and calorie and sodium amount on everything. Who would think broccoli had 10 grams of sugar. Not me. If things were not on sale I wouldn’t know about them. A lot of things are deceiving like halo top ice cream says you can have the whole pint for 280-320 calories what it doesn’t say is if you eat the pint that 26+ grams of sugar. It was a lot of trial and error in the beginning. What I thought was healthy wasn’t really. Deli meat, those potato chip alternatives veggie sticks it’s powder no actual veggies in it. Hummus like Sabra is full of sodium. Wholly guacamole is high in sodium and calories I prefer calvo 90 calorie pouches I add it to spinach and my my own version of creamed spinach. I jazz up bland things like no salt cottage or plain 0% fat Greek yogurt with fruit or bear naked vanilla granola less sugar than other flavors.

I do eat out if we go for burgers I get no bread and extra lettuce and make it a salad. I modify things. I don’t cook or meal prep I microwave or raw. Steam bag veggies lots of fruits and veggies. Natural almonds and the bear naked granola and a box of raisins and make my own trail mix. Or individually I eat them too. Baby carrots I switch back and forth from celery or English cucumber cut up. Love envy apples. Nectarines. Cotton candy grapes are a little pricey 10 bucks at wegmans. I still eat ice cream breyers delights mini pints come 4 in a box. I know it’s more than the pint but I don’t trust myself with the pint not to eat it all. The mini ones are 80 calories and 6 grams of sugar. 10 or less is my window usually 5-8 I try and stay. Except with fruit. An apple can be 12-17 grams. I stay away from super high ones like a Bosc pear is 28. Cherries etc. I stick with nectarines, blueberries raspberries once in a while I have watermelon or other melons. It’s more psychological than anything. Wanting to quit when you have a bad day of eating, tomorrow is another day. Emotional eating i redirect elsewhere. Plateau means it’s time for a change. Different exercise or less calories or something I’m eating is causing it. Getting lazy, I do minimum 1 mile but aim for 2-4 daily. And that’s just running errands during the day, Grocery shopping etc I eat when I’m hungry not when I’m bored. And I do cup fulls not the whole bag. I make myself a tray of snacks at night and relax and watch tv I’ve only gone over my calories twice or three times since December. Left over calories equates to weight loss. The calorie deficit after food and exercise. Exercise increases the calories. It balances out if you eat more or have extra left for weight loss. I’m here if you need to talk. I’m here for all my ladies and even some guys on here.

Answer

Girl you are beautiful! I also am a larger woman and I was on weight watchers and it helped me gain my confidence back. Not even losing weight but feeling like I’m in control over myself again was a confidence booster ❤️ you look fabulous and don’t let anyone else yell you otherwise!! Xo

Scared of being myself?

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