We moved to a new place when I was 34w along. I absolutely love it out here but I have no friends out here. I'm almost 3 weeks pp now, and I'm pretty much doing everything people say not to do and I cant help it. We've left the house a few times for errands but not very long, and I don't even feel likw it helps that much. Sometimes I hate being out in public with my baby girl because of all the unwanted attention we get. I am beyond introverted. I have always been this way but now its worse. Baby has been cluster feeding so its hard to do anything in the first place; I love that its basically a cuddle fest but I also feel kind of trapped. My SO had zero experience with kids before our baby and he always told me how excited he was and how hed be helpful, but unfortunately it hasnt turned out that way. Some days he's better than others. But hes not adjusting well at all to his new role as a dad. Our baby has had a rough time adjusting, gas and excess mucus and hunger mainly, so shes a bit of a screamer. Apparently he didnt think shed cry much at all so he gets irritated by her crying and thinks shes going to be a difficult kid and that I hold her too much and she must not like him because she crys if he holds her (hungry). I try to tell him otherwise and I try not to let it bother me because hes just largely uneducated about kids, but it stings anyway. I take it personally for her and I know I shouldn't but he avoids her mostly because of fear and he feels inadequate but he needs to get over it at some point. I feel inadequate too and I dont get to just go in another room or pass her off because shes screaming. He doesnt help at night either; I mean were ebf but not even diaper changes, and he complains when she cries at night which makes me want to slap him.

That's not even the worst of it. I just have no one to talk to. My anxiety runs my life. My friends never reach out to me they never have, so unless I do it I fall into long periods of complete isolation and I dont even notice it until its too late. I like my alone time and then I blink and its been months and Im lonely. And I can feel it happening now; I keep wanting to text my friends and never hit send because I know they dont care and half the time they dont answer anyways, and i dont know what to talk about. I dont want to talk about the baby or my boyfriend bc they dont care and I don't want to complain, and i have nothing else going on in life and they just cant be bothered anyway they have their own lives. Its gotten so bad I even type out meaningless comments on fb and always delete them. I delete my own posts. I cant help it...theres a new mom meet up thing every week in my town and i want to go but just the idea of it sends me into full blown panic mode. I haven't made new friends in over 5 years. I suck at it. So here I am. Isolated with my perfect baby that I am loving spending time with but fighting with my SO and having no one to talk to. It sucks. Rant over.