I’m 37 weeks today and since Wednesday I feel like I’ve hit a wall, in my second trimester I felt amazing! I was in the best head space I’ve ever been in! I have had anxiety/depression/OCD/and on the bipolar spectrum since I was 12 I’m 22 now. I’ve tried countless medications and therapy but nothing has helped. During this pregnancy I have felt like a whole new person friends and family have all commented on how much I’ve changed and how proud they all are. But these past couple days have been miserable for me. I want to cry at EVERYTHING I get really angry really fast and over extremely small things.. but those aren’t the worst feelings for me though the worst are my feelings to give up. I feel so overwhelmed I can’t lift a finger I feel hate and disgust toward myself as I let the laundry and dishes pile up I become so frustrated with myself I want to bang my head into a wall. My fiancé works 12hr shifts and is always tired and overwhelmed himself. He’s not the most educated on mental illness and tries to understand but can’t. He gets mad at me when I can’t keep up with housework even though I also work and I go to school. It just adds so much stress. My mom has offered to help but I’m so picky with my OCD I don’t want her touching my stuff. I’ve been trying to cut myself some slack and just do things at my own pace but I feel like I can’t take it anymore... I’m so scared these feelings won’t go away after birth and possibly get worse. I feel how I did before I got pregnant. Just helpless, angry, sad, defeated and overwhelmed. I can’t handle it anymore.
I’m posting anonymously because I feel weak and I’m afraid of discouraging comments.