I hate my husband, I hate my life, I hate who I am because of him. He’s constantly drinking, staying up until 2-5am, talking to women. He lies to my face all the time. We bought a house because I’m an idiot and now we’re in the middle of moving. He’s hardly helped packed and the amount of empty liquor bottles I’ve found stuffed in places makes me wonder if he was ever sober. Stuffed in his child’s clothes, stuffed behind the water heater, under the grill, cabinets... He makes me feel insane. I’ll know when he is lying because I’ll see something with my own two eyes and he’ll make me seem like I’m crazy. I’m not crazy.. I have a good future going for me, why can’t I leave? What’s wrong with me? People at work say I’m one of the happiest people they know, when in reality I cry myself to sleep every night. Why aren’t I strong enough for my children. We have a son and I’m 29 weeks pregnant with our daughter. He makes me regret her. I hate myself for the man her father is. I want to be strong enough for my babies so this never happens to them. I’ve tried to get into therapy paid for by my insurance company and it takes MONTHS to even see some one. It makes me lose hope. He deploys in a month and I honestly can’t wait. He’s going to miss his child’s birth and all I can think is “thank god he isn’t going to taint her yet”. I feel so horrible that I don’t even know who I have become any more.. I feel like I can’t just leave because we’re dual military. I can’t just pack up and fly back home like any other military spouse. I’m stuck here in the same city. I can’t afford a house by myself. We have 3 dogs and no one will rent to you with that many. I’m lost... thank you if you even got this far.. I don’t even know what I’m looking for out of this.