I laughed at my baby while she was bleeding ...
I feel like a horrible mom.
Yesterday we were at my moms house and my 9 month old baby girl was trying to grab the bed and lift herself up, which she always does, so I let her be because she knows how to do it but I guess the bed was a bit too high for her reach so she fell over and hit her mouth/face on the metal bed. She instantly started screaming in pain. My mom ran and grabbed her to see if she got hurt, sure enough her mouth was full of blood.
Now instead of getting up right that second, I sat there and started smiling , tryna not to laugh, and then after 2 mins I had a breakdown like I cried so much because my baby got hurt and the worst part is instead of grabbing her quickly I started smiling 😪
This is not because I wanted to do it , trust me.
I told my sister and she said it might be PseudoBulbar Affect ( PBA).
In the past I have myself been very traumatic things such as sexual abuse, depression, self harm, suicide attempts, etc. i was on antidepressants but I stopped them because they made me feel worse . This was 5+ years ago. But I feel like it will never be ALL over, there’s always a part left .
But yeah , I researched PBA and it said it happens to people who have some problems with their brain... which kind of scares me now.
Well my point of this post was to say that I feel horrible , I feel like I’m a horrible mother to my girls ( 2y & 9m ) , but it’s not my fault .. I swear ☹️😓