I forgive him too easily

Yesterday my boyfriend and I had a really bad argument, we don't usually argue like that. It happens maybe once or twice a year, if at all anymore.

But we both did and said things we didn't mean, I was screaming and crying at him and he told me he doesn't love me or like me, and a lot of other hurtful things tbh.

I know it sounds toxic and honestly it can be, I have issues from past relationships and he finds that hard to deal with at times.

I went out with my friend afterwards and by the time I got home I had forgiven him, sometimes I wonder what it would take for me to actually not forgive him and leave him, o think it's because I've been through so much worse in the past and he treats me amazingly 90% of the time.

We have a two year old and I'm pregnant again, a mortgage, which I think makes it all the more complicated for me to leave.

But he HADNT forgiven me, and actually he was definitely worse than me during the argument, not that it's a competition. But I didn't say anything g hurtful or spiteful, I was just very upset and dramatic.

He said I pushed him to say those things because I wouldn't leave him alone.

We are both in the wrong but I feel like he's made it worse by not taking responsibility.

Sorry, not sure what the point of this post is. Just venting I guess