Ok so this may get a little long. Things are so built up.

I’ve been cramping all day today. I’m not on my period or anything, just bad cramping in my back, I have the worst headache, and on top of all that here lately sex has been hurting. Like bad, half way through doggy if he goes to deep it almost puts me in tears. And lastnight I could not get wet at all. I wanted him so bad but it just wouldn’t happen. I had to ask him to use lube because it hurt. I felt so bad, I feel like so less of a women, like I can’t please him or make him feel like he’s still sexy to me because that is most definitely not the case. Everything just kept hurting. I feel like I’m not good enough at the moment.

On top of all that, don’t even get me started on all these bad thoughts in my head. Especially infertility. What if I can’t have kids? The one thing I want in life if to have my own family. A good unbroken family. I want my kids to know mom and dad love each other and I want them to have the life I didn’t. What if I can’t do that? Everyday I think of every little insecurity I’ve ever had and I look at myself in disgust, I hate my day to day life, I’m overly sensitive about everything. My poor boyfriend, I feel like I take everything out on him and later on feel so bad. I feel so depressed.. for days and days I wake up and fear and feel the same things over and over again. I can’t get things off my mind and it’s driving me crazy. I wish things could go back to how they used to be but I don’t know how to get back. I feel lost in my own conscience.

Someone please help me.

Explain to me why I feel like this. Give me a piece of guidance, or a few words of wisdom.