When the love of my life left for his deployment I wasn't particularly confident, but I liked myself. Since he has been gone I have tried 3 new birth control pills other than the previous 2 I had tried before (hormonal birth control does NOT agree with me). The last ones I tried made me a monster. I wanted to hurt people. I cried over things that I would never have cared about. My poor fiance didn't know what to say to me anymore. My doctor told me Mirena would save me as the hormone levels in my blood would be much slower so I said I'd try it.

After a month my body was different. My skin was dry, yet oily all the time. I had more spots than I had on any of the pills I'd taken, and in my life in general. I started growing hair in all the wrong places.

By the second month, I had gained weight, which didn't make me feel good after I had been going to the gym every 2 days and eating healthy. I also dropped a cup size despite the weight gain (completely unfair). The hair on my head started to fall out and I had such a strong sense of fear that I was scared to even go to the doctor and talk about it because I would have to cross a road. I hated myself. I felt like I had changed so much. I told my doctor who told me to have the Mirena replaced with Jaydess. I finally got the appointment to switch last week and within 3 days my anxiety was starting to calm down. I'm hoping the other side effects will too.

But I still feel so uncomfortable in my own skin. My fiance is coming home in a couple of days and I'm so scared for him to see me with my smaller chest, bigger muffin top, less head hair and more body hair. I know it's stupid, vain and unwarranted because he still thinks I'm pretty, but it has really affected my self image 😔