One year ago today I thought that I was going to be a mom for the first time. My heart was crushed when I had a miscarriage. It was already a hard time and a family/friend had brain cancer and things just were great. I thought I was getting a piece of good news to find out that it wasn’t meant to be. It tore me apart and put me into a deep depression for several months. My doctor put me on a special progesterone cream, that could help me get pregnant and it didn’t seem to work, I had lost all hope and I had decided that it probably wasn’t the best time to try for a baby so my hubby and I decided to stop and I was going to go on birth control. So in March I was waiting on my period to come so I could start the pill, and well... it never did come. I found out I was pregnant this year in April. After being so sad about loosing my baby, after I finally get pregnant, it just takes everything away from me.

I’m absolutely blessed to be pregnant right now, but it has been THE HARDEST TIME OF MY LIFE

I went from working 50 hour weeks to not even managing a whole 3 days at work. I’ve had non stop morning/day/night sickness for 7 months. It’s been agonizing. But I’m still thankful for my little bean 🌈❤️ he’s due Christmas <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a> and I could have asked for a better present this year. I love him so much already. But today seems so hard to think about, and in a week it will be a year that my family/friend, Mike, passed away a year ago. A seriously traumatic loss for the whole family. But that day I got an ear piercing. (Too scared for a tattoo I guess) and every day it reminds me of the losses during that time. I’m sure if Mike were around today he would be happy to see another member join our tight family. ❤️

If anyone actually read this thanks for listening. I just really needed to be able let out these feelings today. ❤️

On the upside tomorrow I get to have my 3D ultrasound of my little man, and I am thrilled ❤️

**Update**

Here are some pictures of my little man ❤️😍

Just 12 more weeks until I get to meet him 💙🌈