Okay, I’m going to start off by saying this is kinda long.

I’m in a different situation and need opinions. I met this guy on tinder a while ago when I was back in college. Not thinking much of it we just started talking and snapping. As things usually go with tinder , i expected nothing more than it last about two weeks, this is lasted nine months.( we met in January)

now, before anybody comments I wanna say I know he is not a catfish, I have seen his face multiple times over snap, he has multiple accounts on social media with accurate information. The issue I have is he won’t meet me.

I’ve tried for months and months, but still we are in September and it hasn’t happened. We text all day, from the moment we get up to the moment we go to sleep. He has treated me like no man he ever treated me. Called me a queen. The amount of love,respect, and caring he has for me is something I haven’t had before. I’ve always had a history of bad relationships. This is the first thing I’ve ever enjoyed and loved and appreciated, felt like I actually meant something to somebody.

I want it to progress and I have begged for phone calls and FaceTime but he doesn’t like talking over the phone, so it’s always been a no.

As far as planning a time to meet, it was different. In school I was two hours away, now that I dropped out, moved, and start processing for the army it changed to three. He’s been supportive of the decision, tells me over and over how proud he is of me and how he is in awe of me and wants me to have a bright future, love, and happiness. He also knows I still wanna see him before I leave. No matter what.

Now, We’ve had the conversation of meeting this entire time. my birthday was back in April, we were supposed to then but it never happened because he was too afraid and nervous at the time. He said he didn’t know me as well as he does now. Was afraid of commitment coming that far and overall trust. I understood.

The thing that is messy is I love him, but can’t tell him.he doesn’t want a long distance relationship, both now, and in the future. three hours already bothers him, because it’s just too long for him. I don’t mind but grew up driving 12+ one way to see family . I’ve always been understanding and don’t undermine his feelings though because I care and I’m not the judgemental type. I want him to be happy, just I want it to be with me, even though I can’t. That’s not fair to him. He’s even said if I was closer this would be a different conversation. We would be together.

But anyways, back to meeting, we set a date to meet this summer, he went back home and our two hours turn to five. Making it even more impossible to make something work. Now he’s back at school, Always tells me he’s busy, he needs time to settle in, stuff like that. I tell him what dates I have off at work, but he always tells me he’s busy those days. I ask him when he’s free and if he can give me dates and it doesn’t ever happen.

Last weekend he made it sound so sure he was actually coming, but then his dog passed away and I told him to go home and he even showed me text proof that it actually happened from his mom. I wasn’t completely upset, because and that situation I was not what he needed, and as much as I wanted too, I can’t be selfish. His mom needed him in that moment. Having lost a pet myself I understood the pain.

The issue I have is tonight, for some reason I’m more bothered than usual. He usually tells me he is busy, but I got off work 4 hours early (woo) and I figured okay, go get dinner and invite him over, he literally said this morning he had nothing to do, so I did just that. Figured it’s 4, be here by 7. Spend the night hanging out together. So I ask him and then he tells me he has a friend over. I’m just upset because I want to meet him so bad, he tells me he wants to meet me to, but I just don’t feel like I’ll ever be an important enough for him to make time for me. It’s been nine fucking months. I love him. He’s been through so much with me, even if it’s just over the phone. But a part of me is dying inside because I don’t know whether I’m leaving something really good, like things could change, or if I’m just going to be in the cycle of disappointment.

I feel like I’m literally asking so much of him when I ask to make a day work. I ask all the time, I’ve offered to drive,I’ve offered to pay for his gas, I’ve said give me a date and I will make it work no matter what, but nothing, he just says he’s bad at planning and lazy and if I try to plan a month ahead,that’s too early, but if I ask that week, it’s too late. I can never win😭 I just want to see him but I can’t just show up. I wanna be important enough for him to make time for me, not just give me the leftover of what he has. Please give me advice, I’m upset, fear that I’m losing my chance at love and idk what to do. The most I’ve gotten from him is maybe the weekend of Nov.3, but that’s still so far away for things to easily change on his end😞