WHAT IS THIS?

Put me in your shoes. We are now 4years next month in LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP. Beyond to imagine, right? We planned a lot of meetings before but it was changed many times. Until we ended planning to this. He wanted me to come in his country for 60days but after 30 days WE WILL GET MARRIED ASAP so the remaining 30 days should be the days of processing the papers and etc as a proof that I am already married with him, by that I can stay there for life and He promised me to visit my country after few months of our marriage if it's possible. Mind you, we never met yet in real or in person only in live videos, etc, (digital world). Means that would be the FIRST TIME WE ARE GOING TO MEET. He wanted me to left my country without my family's knowledge, it's completely secret only the two of us and his family knows it, coz once my family will know the plan then the world is against us sooo. It's better not! (My whole family knows him anyways and I trusted him so much the way he trusted me) Also he said, I am not the only one in this world will do ELOPING. He sent me money exactly for my plane ticket going there and supposed we already booked the plane ticket and applied the Visa thingy but I am now in between so he decided to stop talking me since I am now in the middle, thinking twice. I am afraid but I want it, cannot describe our love but I just don't know whats???? We love each other so much that's why it's been 4years now. I will be 29 on November and we both rejected everyone and not entertaining anyone since we are in relationship. We have our own world. He cannot come to visit me, etc anymore because of his capabilities, one of his reasons. My country has a lot and strict policies and he wasn't able to met them all, that's why. Also he was messaging me early in the morning today to give his money back means he already decided by leaving me, right? I don't care anyone or giving harsh opinions but I love to hear any thoughts. I cannot tell to anyone coz this is a secret plan. Only me knows here. So must know what I'm feeling. 😥😥 Seriously what am I doing? 😭