After a month of rape and 8 months of emotional, physical and mental abuse. I was finally out of my “husbands” house. Not legal husband because after he had raped me on the wedding night even after I had begged him for some time because I was a virgin, after some days I find out that the guy who came to register the marriage was a fake. I have gone ahead with the complain of rape against my husband. I am also thinking of doing another complaint against him and his family of the fraud marriage. But I am not sure if there can be a case about that. I am trying my best to be strong, but I am not ok, I am having nightmares, different emotions and sometimes no emotions. I am full of hate, anger and regrets. I feel betrayed, robbed, impure, ugly, insecure, depressed and anxious. I ask myself if I deserved it. I know why he raped me, but I still question myself, why he did it? I wish for him to suffer like I did. I will never forget what he did and what his family did to me for the rest of my life. I want them to be punished, I want him to go to prison, and feel the same way that I did for the rest of his life too. Why did he do this to me, for some money he ruined my whole life. I believe in God and I have been told that there is afterlife but what if there is no God and no afterlife. What if this was the only life I had and whatever time I have left, I will have to spend thinking about the trauma he put me through. I am in so much pain. I have wanted to skin myself, remove all the skin that he had touched so I can feel clean but how do I clean my inside, how do I take my skin off inside my private part. I am not a strong person, I am a coward.