my thoughts are killing me

..I feel like I’m falling into a deep dark hole. yesterday something happened that broke me , every little piece it broke me.😭 after what happened I didn’t know what to do, what to feel..so many emotions running through my head. I just began crying.. an crying nonstop, I couldn’t believe it..he had cheated an was texting another girl, all my confidence self love just went away all at once.. I asked him an his face turned so pale..he didn’t know what to do, my heart was racing, my hands were shaking badly..I felt like someone was suffocating me.. I couldn’t breathe.. tears streaming down my face I asked him what is this? he answered “I don’t know” he knew exactly what it was, exactly what he done.. I couldn’t even get the words to come out of my mouth, I felt so broken, beat down, an angry.. we have been together three whole years, an not once till yesterday did he ever cheat..I wanted him out, I wanted him to leave I told him to pack his clothes an go.. it was so hard to do, I couldn’t even look at him, he was crying, apologizing and trying to hug me so I forced him off of me, every memory we had was flashing through my head..could I let that go? every memory ever made.. did I really want him to leave? no I loved this man, even tho he hurt me so bad.. so I didn’t force him to leave, I was silent the rest of the day, we only had small talk, I just kept bringing up what he did, just couldn’t stop crying..I thought about his family, my family how close we had all gotten, was I ready to lose that? no..so I told him he could stay, an that I loved him..but I feel so worthless, I constantly keep thinking about what happened, I’m so scared it will happen again, I can’t bare the pain..I look at the “other girl” she’s pretty and petite..I keep comparing myself to her, I woke up this morning knowing today was goin to be awful, I tried to distract myself by cleaning the house and washing laundry..but that only worked for a while, I began looking up videos on how to lose weight.. I started to cry, I looked in the mirror and fell to the floor..I hate myself, my body, my hair, face, thighs .. I hate everything about myself..I feel like I’m falling into a deep depression and I’m drowning in my thoughts..someone help