Today I returned home from having spent 7 days in my hometown for my Nanna's funeral & to spend time with family. My boyfriend was asleep when I got home, he had done an overnight shift so I didn't make a fuss. I put the lunch that my mum got him into the fridge. This was at 1pm. At 4pm he finally woke up. He didn't look at me or talk to me first. He just pushed his boner up against me and started cuddling me and getting me into the mood. After sex he jumped straight onto his phone, I told him to put it down, he did but with defensive excuses (even though I wasn't attacking). We didn't get to talk or have cuddles or actually take a moment to properly look at each other, because our housemate was home and wanted to borrow something. After some chatter between us all he got up and was talking to our housemate in the games room (boys PC gaming room). I wanted to read him the list of groceries I got us, which took over 20 times just to finish saying because he either wasn't listening or was purposely interrupting me to try to be funny. It felt like he didn't care that I made the effort to get them or that my mum paid $100 for them as well as for his lunch, which he took to his PC desk.. i told him I wanted him to come sit with me but he said he would "just eat his food first" and to "give him a minute".. well "a minute" turned into an hour and I was feeling lonely as hell and feeling upset as all of the emotions from the week I'd had were finally hitting me hard. He kept updating me with "soon". He said "let me play this one match and then we'll talk" and I was obviously annoyed and had no trust to believe in that after the other empty promises from this night. I was right to not trust his word. He never came, hours went by and he never came to talk to me, ask what I did over the weekend or how I'm feeling, how my family is doing, nothing. I sit in our empty bed and hear him say he is about to start playing yet another game, and with not a single moment did the thought of me pop into his head. Not a single second did he remember his promise. Not a fraction of a second did he care.

I've sat here alone with nobody to talk to. He is in there talking to his gaming friends and enjoying his addictive hobby.

He came in for a brief moment and didn't seem to question why I was upset/angry. Did he not notice? Or does he know but just doesn't care enough to say/do anything?

I saw this today:

" I said “You never read my thesis.” He’d said he would “later tonight” one day in January; it is now March.

“Of course I’m going to read it. I just haven’t gotten around to it yet. It hurts that you don’t believe in me.”

I hurt him because I don't believe him. He was busy I guess. I'm such a unreasonable girlfriend. "

-written by a girl who fell in love with a boy that she discovered was manipulative in their relationship

I'm scared. I'm scared at how much this hurts me. I'm scared at how much peace I feel when I read it. It's as if I don't feel so alone. Because someone out there has experienced this feeling too. He hurts me. I confront him and face him with his mistake of hurting me. He explains it away, or bites back five times as hard. Now it's my fault. I shouldn't have nagged. I shouldn't have been so clingy. He had a long day at work. He was tired. He is always tired. .

I'm tired.

I'm scared.

I'm sickly worried, that the man I fell in love with, no longer has the feeling of 'true love' back.

I'm worried I'm stuck in a cage with the lion cub I was best friends with and now he is grown, he is the ruler, the king, he has his way and I can't question his treatment towards me because he will bite me, I can't escape the cage because when I look into his eyes I still see the cub.

I got home at 1pm. He woke up at 4pm. It is now 12am. What do I do.... 💔