Ok, so I’ve always wanted to be a mom. More than anything. My husband and I started trying in January and I got pregnant on my first cycle. But then I had a miscarriage.

Ever since then, we’ve been hard core TTC. Ovulation tests, checking CM, checking BBT, the whole nine. Still not pregnant. I’m currently so sore it hurts to sit. It hurts to do anything. I’ve always been very sensitive in that area and can only handle maybe two days in a row. We had sex five days in a row, with conception lube every time, last night a lot because I was so sore. He literally just got himself up until the last second and then put it in me so he could come in me. He was crying because he knew I was hurting so bad, and I was pretending I wasn’t (I was).

My point is: I KNOW it’s not supposed to be this hard. It’s supposed to be exciting and enjoyable. We have an appointment with my OBGYN on Monday to see if there’s anything going on (I know it’s less than a year but given my history and the miscarriage they made an appointment).

But, I’m ready to stop. I can’t do this. I’m taking geritol, vitex, royal jelly, prenatals, etc. and I am SICK. Everyday I am nauseous. Multiple days a week I wake up with several bouts of diarrhea and take Imodium in hopes that it will stop by the time I get to work. I’m sore. I’m exhausted.

However, my husband is ten years older than me. He’s 38. I KNOW that’s not super old, but he really wants a child because he doesn’t want to be 60ish when he or she leaves the nest. I get it. But I’m 28. I know I’m no spring chicken, but I also know that I’ve got some good fertile years left in me. And given that we’ve been married less than a year, I’m getting to the point where I feel like we should value our childless years a little bit.

Anyway, i rambled, But I’m asking, has anyone else ever been in this boat with age difference? He doesn’t want to hurt me, and he won’t push me, but I know he wants a baby. And I just need a break. Every month I’m not pregnant after all that pain and effort just makes me more upset and reminds me of the miscarriage. We’ve talked about it, but when I straight up say I want to give up, he gets upset. I’m at a loss, but I want to feel good again.