I can’t keep pretending that I’m ok

That I’m not constantly terrified

That I’m not alone

That I can do this

Because I can’t, I’m sorry to be such a disappointment but I can’t do this anymore

I wake up each morning and I’m so afraid because I know that I’m going to have to go outside, that I’m going to have to get the bus or talk to someone, I’m terrified that someone will text me because somehow I’ll ruin a conversation, I can’t keep pretending that I’m ok when I find everything around me so terrifying, I used to have someone to talk to, someone who knew how fucked up I am but suprisesuprise they left too, because at some point everyone in my life leaves, there’s nothing that I can do to stop them, it feels like I have an expiration date,

I keep losing people

I keep losing myself

I don’t feel like me anymore

I don’t know who I am

I just know what I am supposed to be, but I know I can never be that person, I am terrified of new people, new relationships I get so scared as soon as I get to know someone, I don’t make attachments all that much anymore because then maybe that way it will hurt less once they’re gone,

I just need this all to stop, I can’t cope with it anymore

I can’t cope with being me

I am not good enough

I am a failure

A disappointment

A lost cause

I don’t want to do this anymore

I can’t do this anymore