Red flag? Controlling? WARNING LONGER THAN I THOUGHT

Question

Okay so I’ve known since me and my bf got together that he gets jealous verrrry easily. We are long distance so I kind of used that as an excuse for his jealousy. As an example, just the other day I sent him a picture of my feet with one of my good friends (a boy)  feet across from mine at my school. Our toes weren’t touching, and I just took it because I snapped him back and I was standing with a group of people. He then sent me a picture back saying “who is that why are you standing so close to them” I have quite a lot of guy friends who I’ve played video games with and that friend is one of them, but I’ve known them since my elementary school days. I always comment on the times where his jealousy is just ridiculous so I said “We werent standing super close it was just our feet???” And he ended it with “ok”. I just ignored it and went on with my day as I don’t get upset easily especially over his extreme jealousy. Another thing is when my friends have parties, there’s usually alcohol as I guess that’s what high schoolers do, but he knows that I don’t drink and don’t plan on it until I’m of age. So, one of my amazing friends had her birthday a month ago and it was a huge party with lots of alcohol and whatnot and I’m not one to go to parties but she has been an amazing friend for a while so I wanted to support her on her birthday. I wouldn’t have drank, I wouldn’t of done anything bad, but he was getting mad at me that I wanted to go. He always thinks I’m going to drink or get hit on by guys or get roofied or some shit. Well, lucky for him I got sick and couldn’t go anyways. But fast forward to recently, I have to decide where I want to go to university. I’m canadian and he’s american, and he always tells me how if I don’t go to school with him it won’t work. (Which I understand) so I have to make a huge decision if I want to move to another country, leaving everyone behind. I’m also young and feel way too young to be making such a huge decision. Everything else about him I like, but recently he seems to be more and more manipulative. I might want to be a vet, and the school he’s at has a pre vet program so I said oh that’s good it sort of puts the likelihood of me going there higher. But after two years there I’d have to go to another school to do the actual vet program. It would be at a school about 4 hours away, and he got mad at me because I wanted to be a vet and that wouldnt work either because “we’d hardly see each other again for two years” okay I get it, but it’s a job we’re talking about??? So I can’t be a vet because it means I’d have to go to another school that he doesn’t go to, and he openly said he doesn’t trust me going to another school. What? First of all I’ve done nothing that has ever been any sort of cheating or anything to cause suspicion of me. He is older, so yes he’s already in university. It’s just now getting on my nerves that his jealousy is making it not okay for me to go down a path that I want? We’ve been together for 1 year and a bit but honestly I don’t know if I could follow through with such a huge decision. At first I loved him and said yes yes! To going but now I feel like god is giving me red flag after red flag. I was on FaceTime with him the other day, and him and one of his friends actually got into a fight to the point where his friend kicked him out for a bit so he could cool down. Back in his highschool days, he lost a huge group of friends after they teamed up on him. He never ever told me exactly what happened, but what would happen for his entire friend group to not want to be his friend? I know it’s partly his anger issues with getting mad eassssilly. And omg the more I write the more I realize that idk if this would work. BUT HOLY FUCK HOW DO I BREAK UP WITH HIM??? I’ve been with him for a year and he has my password to literally everything (and he could get into everything because I use one password) I’d have to change every password to every account I own. He also likes to read all of my DMs on every account and asks me when someone new is there (it’s usually for video games when I make new friends) OMG LADIES!! What do I do??? Also, we were planning on seeing each other in a few months and I was going to book a flight down there soon. We were going to have sex for the first time too because I always said no to it as I wanted to wait, but idk I keep thinking I may not want to still. Okay so.... help wanted please lol. He also used to struggle with depression and I’m afraid me breaking up with him will cause it to rise again. I just feel stuck. He also tried to kill himself probably the day or two before getting together. I know because we were on FaceTime again. I feel like I’ve dug myself down a huge hole and don’t know how to get up. All I know is I’m never dating a guy long distance again. Help!!!

Answer

NEVER let go of your dreams for someone else. Especially someone who IS controlling. I understand the whole wanting to be together thing, but if he’s telling you it just won’t work if you follow your dreams HE IS NOT THE ONE! You have SO much time, and you should do what you want! Don’t feel pressured to move to another COUNTRY for someone who has been controlling. And yes, he is absolutely controlling from what you’ve explained. It just seems like a ton of flags are popping up for you. Follow your heart and do what YOU want to do. I’m sorry you’re having to make such a tough decision!

Answer

Okay hun, the first thing you’ve gotta do is change all your passwords immediately. Every single one them. After you’ve done that either message him or call him and tell him that you need to focus on school and your life or that you don’t want to be in a relationship anymore. There’s really no easy way to end a relationship. He is going to be mad and might want to go through your things so make sure you change your passwords. He is way too manipulative and he’s trying to force you to do what he wants and not what you want to do. If he really loved you or cared about you he would support you and understand that you want to be a vet. Please don’t be afraid that he might hurt himself, it’s likely that he was trying to get you to feel bad for him and for a way to be able to control you. Don’t be intimidated because this is just a messed up situation that could escalate and get worse if you stay with him. Please msgs me on Instagram if you need someone to talk to @luz_cluez

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Change ALL of your passwords, then break up with him, and block him on all accounts he could contact you on.  Nope nope nope.

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It isn’t so much the long distance that is a problem with this relationship than the need for his control over you and your life! You have caught onto the red flags... more than one, many many red flags here. 
He shouldn’t have your passwords, shouldn’t try to control the direction of your life
He shouldn’t be telling you that you must go to the same school or it won’t work out (well so be it) 
He is extremely manipulative and is attempting to Gaslight you from a distance
You can’t have friends if you’re with him, male friends are going to be out of the equation completely 
You can’t party without his say so
You can’t make decisions for yourself 
A partner ADDS to your life, they never take away. You are becoming less of yourself and being molded into what he wants you to be. He doesn’t value your goals or the person you are inside. He sees you as a puppet he can control
I would leave this toxic situation behind me. You are too young and vibrant to throw it all away for someone who doesn’t value you as an individual. Change your passwords. Write them down somewhere. If you need to also change the email passwords do that too. Tell him how you feel and block him on every possible outlet. 
Please don’t feel bad. He will use depression and suicide to control you further! Do not give in. This man is a narcissist. You are more than loving and sweet, outgoing and smart. Focus on vet school!!!

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Didn’t even read past the ‘why are u so close to them?’ 😂😂 drop him. Wtf

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Total red flag. Hes only going to get worse. 😕

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Stay there he’s not with giving up your life honey. Be a kid my Lordy

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What you need to do is get out of that situation and if you know of his location, you call mental health on him without him knowing so that he can get him if he almost killed himself before and if he is much older, you are so young and deserve someone to appreciate you, he does not and it's not worth the hurt and pain of it. You do you