Boggles my mind

Still boggles my mind of why abusers blame the person they are abusing for why it escalates..yes I end up stop talking to him cause he is upsetting me..I do it to calm down.. he thinks I do it to make him mad. I've explained it to him of why.. he's so calm an understands.. until it happens.. then it's always my fault if why it escalates to the things that happen