PTSD... can’t get over it
Let me start this by saying I am NOT against porn. I would be OK with normal porn usage if the following situation didn’t occur.
About 4 years ago I found out my husband is addicted to porn. He would say he needed to poop to grab a quick sneak, go get water from the kitchen to grab a quick sneak, etc.
He was watching it at work for hours. I don’t even know how he held his job... he would watch it in the car while driving. Pretty much every second of every day where I wasn’t right there with him, he was watching porn. Luckily we were still intimate with each other during this time, but he would watch porn before, in the middle of (quick bathroom break) and after sex which kind of made me feel terrible about myself.
He asked me to put a lock on his phone at the time because he said he couldn’t control himself. He was right because even though he didn’t have his phone he would look it up on the TV every time I left the room. I’ve since removed the childlock of course as that was years ago and I removed it as soon as he asked me to and said he felt cured and felt safe for himself to have his phone free. (He wanted to stop his porn addiction as he says he feels sick with himself when he is obsessing over it so much).
Anyways, the whole situation traumatized me to the point where even though years have passed, I still worry every day that he will fall back into his addiction. I obsess over it. It sounds insane but I literally think about it still, multiple times a day. I want to stop obsessing and be able to trust him that he’s not looking up porn every time I turn my head. He suggest we get couples counseling. I’m not sure how I feel about that.
Any advice or any other women who have dealt with their SO having this addiction?? 😩