I don’t talk about this.

I was 15. This guy was 19, a jock, buff. Told me he was a virgin. LOL. He wanted to come over and watch a movie. So he comes over. He immediately shoved his sand paper tongue down my throat. I didn’t enjoy it. He took my clothes off. And he fucked me. Told me where to move. Told me to lay down with my head hanging off the bed and my mouth open while he fucked my mouth. I gagged. I cried. I laid there still as he fucked me. I didn’t say a word. He finished and said “well I’m not tryna get you pregnant” I said go to Walgreens and buy me the plan b pill. He went and got some other pills for yeast balance. I said this isn’t it. He got mad and said he’ll get it tomorrow. So the next day I went out to his truck and grabbed the bag and walked towards my house. He yelled hey. I looked at him. He said are you okay? I said no. And went inside. Never talked to each other again.

I never said no. I was a loner. A loser. He was the most popular jock. Everyone liked him. I was afraid of him. Deeply afraid. Of his judgment, and his strength. But I didn’t speak up. Therefore it was my fault.

I was young and I was dumb.